Identity crisis much? Since having the twins I’ve felt a whole new lease of life and feel like I have a brand new purpose to every day, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t stop every now and again and wonder just who the hell this new person is…
I spend so much of my life doing the washing, cleaning the kitchen, preparing meals for the babies and pushing the pram around while ‘running errands’ that I sometimes wonder if I’ve become some kind of millennial Stepford wife. My heart heavies every time I wipe down surfaces and fill the sink with fairy liquid to do the 1000th load of washing up that day… this is my life now.
I am mother.
Don’t get me wrong it’s amazing being able to spend every day with the twins and I absolutely love it that it’s me making them laugh or feeding them or playing with them, but becoming a mum is such a gear shift from working in a high pressure job as a digital Editor that it takes some getting used to.
Suddenly all the questions are creeping in. When the babies are asleep I’m wondering how it is that I’ve gone from a carefree career girl who liked a good happy cocktail hour and dance around the pole at Freedom in Soho to a cold tea sipping, frazzled mum of two, and professional washer-upper wife, in less than a year.
Seriously…WHAT the hell happened?
I know my other mummy friends feel the same, asking themselves how they have come to be obsessed with feeding schedules, marvelling at how they now spend their days blowing raspberries more than having actual conversations… to say it’s a bit of a head mash is an understatement.
You know you’re a new mum when…
- You get more Whatsapp messages from mum friends than you do emails.
- In fact you forget to check your emails.
- You spend all day waiting for your partner to get home, then argue as soon as they do.
- You speak in baby talk more than you speak sense.
- You look at your body and simultaneously admire it and feel disgusted by it.
- You wonder if you will ever feel happy in your body again.
- But can’t be bothered to worry about it too much because who has the energy?
- You don’t care if your clothes are covered in sick and urine because when its baby sick or baby pee it’s different right?
- Actually when your baby pees on you, you find it cute.
- You go out sans makeup and don’t even care.
- You brush your hair only on special occasions.
- You wonder how you were ever a responsible person in a job when a tiny baby (or babies) can make you feel inferior.
- Most of the texts you send to your other half involve updates on poo.
- In fact you talk about poo a lot.
- Night’s out finish at 11pm so you can do the dream feed.
- When you do get together with the girls the most scandalous topics of conversation are about nappy brands and recalled baby products.
- You don’t recognise yourself in the mirror.
- You worry a lot about looking like ‘a mum’.
- You feel extra proud of yourself when you find a voice/sound/action that makes your baby smile.
- You repeat this new thing until it drives you and your other half crazy.
- The sound of the Fisher Price jungle play gym is the soundtrack of your life.
- You can hear it even when it’s turned off and in another room.
- And you can also hear the baby/babies crying even when they’re not crying.
- You fantasize about having some time to yourself.
- Any time you have to yourself you spend worrying about your baby/babies.
- You can’t believe that this is it, you’re a mum for forever….
- You regularly ask yourself, WHO THE HELL AM I and whose life am I living?
Oh yes, it’s a whole world of change…
Any other mums with me on this one? Who the hell have we become?
Lots of love
Lead Image By Nicole Bentley