Becoming a mum is obviously completely transformative and nothing can quite prepare you for the hundreds of subtle (and not so subtle) ways in which your life will change.
Any new mum will tell you they miss a few things from their pre-baby life… any of these sound familiar?
Being able to pee – whenever you feel like it!
As a new mum you have to hold onto your pee like your life depends on it (your jeans definitely depend on it) because you never have a chance to go to the toilet any more.
ALL those times you used to rush to the loo when you were pregnant? A distant memory. And to think you used to complain about having to pee all the time. If only you could luxuriate in your bathroom once more, sat on the loo doing all your wees while playing with your iPhone. *Sighs.
Now your days are spent squeezing those pelvic floor muscles (when you can remember) and hoping you can tiptoe away from the babies and pee quickly before they notice you’re gone!
Evenings spent painting your nails and watching crap TV
The only TV you (half) watch now is daytime TV, while you’re shoving a bottle or a boob into a small person’s face. Your cuticles now cover two thirds of your nails and the concept of ‘evening’ doesn’t exist anymore. In fact it sounds positively quaint, like supper, or tea time – what even are those??
Hanging out with your other half
Chilling with your other half is something no new parents ever get time to do. If there’s any shape or form of some decent down time it’s used to do the deed.
I’m obviously talking about sleeping.
Having normal conversations on the phone
As soon as children enter your life you have to essentially give up on all phone conversations. It’s not possible to listen to someone else talk – your new mum brain is a pile of mush that can’t concentrate on their anecdotes, and half the time you can’t remember who you’re actually talking to and if they called you or if you called them. What do they want anyway? Talking is time people. And time is precious!
A social life
HA. The only social life you have nowadays involves your babies. Your new friends all have babies and all you talk about is babies and when you’re not hanging out with them, you’re at home hanging out with your baby/babies. Gone are the days when you could just mulch around the shops, go for cocktails and get blind drunk with your girls. #Responsibilities
Styling your hair
The (literally) hours I used to spend taming my mane. Washing, drying, deciding on a damn parting, twirling, curling, straightening, twisting. And it looked purty. Now hair styling involves two key tools; hands and hairbands. Long live the mumbun.
OH SWEET JESUS. Those weekend mornings spent rolling around in bed, finding yet another comfortable spot, sweeping the covers over you, spooning your partner and knowing it didn’t matter what time you got up to go for a nice brunch because you were a free woman. I think I might cry at the memories. So sweet.
As a new mum, the word shower takes on a new meaning. When you find yourself in the bathroom, your ‘shower’ is literally that, a light sprinkling of droplets on your skin, just enough to eliminate that sour homeless smell that’s threatening to claim you as you devote your days to neglecting yourself to care for your offspring.
Fantasising about what it will be like having children
I kinda miss fantasising about my future mum life. Now that it’s here it’s so all-consuming there’s no time to fantasise about much at all – other than the three big S’s. Sleep, showers and shopping!
Watch me rambling a little more about how things have changed since becoming a twin ma: