Before I was pregnant I thought I knew everything about midwives. I’d watched EVERY episode of One Born Every Minute. I was a devoted fan of Call The Midwife. I could have had a qualification in midwifery myself for goodness sake.
Except… I knew nothing about midwives or midwifery.
I think a lot of people have misconceptions about what’s involved in delivering babies, so I wanted to do a lil’ list of the things I thought I knew about midwives… until I actually met some.
1. They’re all women
ALL the midwives I saw throughout my pregnancy were male. And on delivery day? My main midwife was a lovely Spanish man called Julio Caeser. No joke.
2. They won’t let you near the drugs
Wrong. If you need pain relief they will give it to you, but they’re also pros and know how to assess the situation.
3. They become your life long friend
Birth is the biggest experience of your life. It’s only natural to expect the midwife that delivered your baby to take your address and demand photos of that child throughout their life? SURELY?
Actually that doesn’t happen. Can you imagine how big their Christmas card list would be??
4. They do the job because they get to cuddle newborns all the time
If that was all there was to it, there’d be no such thing as a midwife shortage!
5. They eat biscuits constantly
Not only did I never see ANY biscuits during my time at hospital, I never saw any midwife eating, resting or doing anything other than 101 things at any given moment. These women aren’t sponsored by McVities, they’re too busy bringing lives into the world.
6. They ALWAYS want to examine your lady bits
I don’t know if I’m the only one, but I spent months and months being pregnant and NOT one midwife (or midhusband as I had) wanted to look at my lady bits. Not once. Not until I was in actual labour. Who knew?? I thought I had to show my nether regions at every appointment. I was on the verge of taking it personally until I found out this was totally normal.
7. They’re all maternal types
Not necessarily true. Some are more like the Trunchbull from Matilda. And some, you want to adopt as a second mother. You can’t generalise.
8. They have amazing poker faces
This one is kinda true. Delivering babies can be amazing but it can also be TERRIFYING. Midwives know how to stay calm when things are going wrong. Definitely don’t play poker with these guys.
9. They all have leather bags filled with little metal listening devices for your bump
Call The Midwife gave me FALSE expectations. My midwives had no such thing. Probably for the best. The kit they have now is WAY more sophisticated – ultrasounds are way better.
10. They’re obsessed with your pee
I’m no longer convinced this is their fave part of the job.
11. They’re just people
NO. No. NO! Midwives are NOT just people. They’re actual freaking superheroes. Life savers. Mum makers. Dad calmers. Epidural callers. Gas and air givers. Pool fillers. Delivery experts. Baby pros.
What did you think you knew about midwives??
Lots of love
Image by Jutta Klee