Mums Of One – This Is For You

December 31, 2015
what we want to say to mums of one singleton

NO ONE is saying having a baby is easy. But it is easier having one baby than it is having twins. The maths just dictates it.

I didn’t want to write a post being all singleton bashing, not at all. I think all mums achieve incredible things and that every day, no matter many children you have, is full of achievements, struggles and triumphs as a mum.

However, being a first time twin mum is a different ball game to those first time singleton mummas. I’ve been chatting with my twin mum friends and we can’t help but notice we’re all thinking the same things. We all have the same fantasies and while we wouldn’t swap our twinnies for the whole world (seriously it’s double the love), sometimes we’ve just got to get on and get it out of our systems… THIS is what twin mums want to say to mums of one. Don’t judge us for it.

You can give your baby all of you

All mums feel guilty but when there’s just one baby in the mix you can give all your attention to that one child. When you’re a twin mum you’re constantly calculating exactly how many minutes you’ve been playing with one twin over the other and wondering if they’ve had an equal share of mummy time or daddy time, an equal amount of cuddles etc… the guilt trip is LONG when you’re a twin mum.

You can enjoy the moment more

Marvelling in their little discoveries, photographing their tiny ears, enjoying them sleeping on you for an hour or so, with one baby you can cherish and indulge those precious moments with your bubba, but with two each moment is fleeting and you’re so busy that you can’t help but feel you’re missing the magic as you spend all day desperately trying to stop the dreading double wailing and get through to bedtime.

You can travel around – you’re still mobile!

Mums of one can nip here there and everywhere with their zippy single buggies or babybjorns. It’s not as easy for twin mums.

Public transport is at least a two man job. Buses with a double buggy are not fun places to hang out. Trains require careful planning and the tube?

Don’t even think about it.

Enormous buggy + 2 heavy loads + escalators + confined space = Impossible. If you want to see us it has to be walkable or we’ll have to pay out for a taxi/finally learn to drive properly. (Maybe this one is just me).

We’re jealous of your discrete breast feeding in public

Tandem breastfeeding in public? The world isn’t quite ready for it yet.

Yes. I have my breasts out. Plural.

When your baby is asleep just remember that one of our babies might not be

Having two babies with exactly the same sleep cycle is hard to manifest. When your baby is sleeping, that is it. You have the freedom to do what you want with your time. For twin mums, when one baby is sleeping it’s only half the battle. The other one has to fall asleep before you can do anything (go to the loo, brush your hair, wash up) and then you have to pray that the other one won’t wake up straight away as soon as you put twin two down.

You can do the new mum thing, you can go to all the classes

You can go to the classes, you can enjoy rhyme time, you can sign up to baby sensory classes, you can go to mummy yoga. With two babies in tow the stress is doubled and the chances are that you’ll spend any class you manage to attend fighting fires (i.e. stopping each baby from a meltdown), and that is no one’s idea of fun.

We’ll be sympathetic when you complain to us

But inside we’ll be thinking about how you only have one baby. The only people we can truly complain to are our twin mum friends. We’ve got an understanding see…

You don’t know what you’re missing

OK, it’s hard being a twin mum, grumble grumble etc, but singleton mums just won’t understand how amazing the twin thing can truly be. Yes we’re beyond tired and somewhat bitter, but we’re also proud of our twinchievements and get through each day feeling like we’ve surmounted another mum shaped mountain. We also get to put the word twin into a whole load of other words – twinmazing, twinstagram, twintastic, twintwinsituation etc. There are so many special things with twins; the hand holding, the way they look at each other and giggle. The twin cuteness  – matching outfits and reaching milestones together.

It’s hard as f*** but it’s still a total privilege being a twin mumma.

Now if someone could just come over and give us twin mums a break  (about two weeks would do it) that would be amazing…

What do you wish you could say to mums of one/twin mums? Leave me a comment below!

Lots of love

what mums want for christmas

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  • Reply Adrienne February 9, 2016 at 5:23 pm

    I get this totally, my twin girls are 4 months! I love them to pieces, the thing I’m most ‘jealous’ if that’s the right word- I just want to take them both swimming, however at this age it’s one on one in a pool. I try and turn this in too a positive by thinking its a family activity on Daddy’s day off , which it is- but some days I just want to go swimming!!! Xx

  • Reply Amy January 6, 2016 at 1:28 am

    I am a mom of 4 yr old twins and an 8 year old. I feel like I’ve totally missed the baby years with my twins. I’m grateful for the 1v1 time when it was just my son. I didn’t get that with the twins and feel like I’ve missed out! Now I’m trying to balance the twins time and feel like I’m neglecting my oldest because they are toddlers who take up so much time and energy! (As do all toddlers, but it’s different with twins).
    My 3 biggest questions about my boy/girl twins…1. Are they identical ? 2. Are they both yours? (no I always tandem brest feed two random kids!) 3.they’re twins?, did you have them both at the same time? Really!! 🙂

  • Reply Jenna Macciochi January 1, 2016 at 2:11 pm

    Great post Ursula, totally agree with your thoughts. My twins are 14 months and now walking. Man I though it was tough at the beginning but I think twin toddlers are bringing a whole load of challenges that I’m not sure I’m ready for. Fighting, running in different directions when we are out, not sitting still for nappy changes, climbing the furniture., not to mention trying to travel…The list is endless. Even having two kids of different ages doesn’t compare.

  • Reply ET January 1, 2016 at 1:11 pm

    I think too much “comparing” can be damaging. women should be standing together supporting one another. Twin mamas, singleton mamas, 2 under 2years mamas, 4 under 5years mamas…. There are different struggles and pressures for all of us. We need to be there for one another respecting each other not drawing comparisons which don’t take into account the other factors that might make being a mum of twins or just one baby hard.
    Being a mum is hard at times for everyone. Let’s have respect for our different lives which bring with them different challenges.

    • Reply ursulabrunetti January 1, 2016 at 1:18 pm

      Completely agree with you but just wanted to write a light hearted piece echoing some of the things my twin mum friends and I often have a chat about. It’s all written with good intentions. All mums do an incredible job xxx

      • Reply Hannah January 5, 2016 at 1:43 am

        That comment was probably from someone who doesn’t have twins. Lol. Great light hearted article. Made me smile and say some amens! My twins are 4 months old.

  • Reply Danielle January 1, 2016 at 12:25 am

    I wish I could tell other singleton mums how lucky they are to still have some element of normality! As a ftm of twin boys, I really miss the normality of being able to spend time with my partner to watch a movie or do the things we like together. Instead we have to seize any moments we have to do things that need doing, while we can! I miss doing things like going the the hairdresser to get a hair colour, go shopping etc. With twins (and a strict feeding routine etc) to stick to, these things are imppssible. And especially impossible with limited help from family/friends. Great article. Thankyou for sharing it. 🙂

    • Reply ursulabrunetti January 1, 2016 at 12:27 am

      Thanks for your kind words, I miss me time too. Not in a selfish way but twins takes over all available time for chores etc! Feel you! Xx

  • Reply Anna January 1, 2016 at 12:01 am

    Im a single mama of two year old twin girls and it was only recently that I discovered what I think is the main difference between having one and two babies. I had a VERY RARE outing with only one of my girls and I was amazed at how relaxed I was with only one. That level of anxiety completely goes… you only have to worry about what one little person needs, what they are doing and how they are feeling. When you have two littlies while you may be tending to one child you are always conscious of what the other one is up to or needs.

    • Reply ursulabrunetti January 1, 2016 at 12:27 am

      It’s another world ! Xx

  • Reply Sarah December 31, 2015 at 11:13 pm

    Try having triplets! Talk about not being able to be mobile!!! You have 2 arms, 2 hands, 2 breasts and most have 2 parents helping!

    Now consider what 3 is like!

    • Reply ursulabrunetti January 1, 2016 at 12:18 am

      I know… I am in awe of triplet supermums- a special elite of parenting!!

  • Reply Teresa Briseno December 31, 2015 at 5:53 pm

    I totally understand what you are saying, because I also I’m a first-time mother of twins (girls) they are 6 yrs old now and till this day I still try to figure out that if I’m giving them an equal amount of love, attention ect…..I learn something new everyday with my girls. One day they could be different and either the same day or next they are exactly a like. A lot of people always ask if they are identical and I tell them no and they respond to me ” are you sure”. Hey I carried them for 34 weeks I should know if my girls are identical or fraternal. When they were babies the 3 big question I always got where ask….1. When I was pregnant if I took that IVF treatment or are they natural 2. Are they boys, even though I had them dress like little girls and they had their ears pierced and 3. Which is easier a single pregnancy or mutilpy pregnancy. Well hope you like my comment.

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